ahoy! :D

Lots of unexpected things take place in my life. I wa sn’t able to explain, because me myself don’t understand what was really it is. Can I properly say that it is UNUSUAL? I don’t know the right term but for now it’s really unusual. I got this feeling that I’m sort of self-conscious. It was like feeling deeply and awkwardly aware of my failings and shortcomings believing that others are noticing them too. I am unsure of myself, feels like I am lacking of confidence in everything I do. It sucks to feel this way. Where’s me? Where’s that little fearless girl. I’m not that girl who shut up her mouth when something is wrong. I’m very frank as far as I know. I always let other people know what I’m thinking about. But where the hell that girl goes? I can’t speak myself; I can’t let out what was really me. What am I afraid of? What others would think of me? WHY? I perform well in my classes. I perform well in spiritual dimension of my life. What more? Why such this feeling is taking over me. As far as I know, there’s so many opportunities waiting for me but what, I am stopping my self from the things I want to do. NO! I am not stopping myself, someone is stopping me. Why they don’t understand? I want to run, I want to dance, I want to express myself, express what was really me, not this kind of girl that you keep on reminding not to do this, not to do that, not to say this, not to say that. How can I be so grown up girl, if you would always stop me from things I want to do, I am not a prison nor your owning. If I made mistakes then OK! Let me learn with my mistakes. There’s no harm in trying. I can’t understand why they’re always putting me down. They always say “it’s not yours to do. Let other people do it for you” dang! What will I do then? Wait for tomorrow? Wait till I’m old enough and know nothing? How can I stand on my own feet, if in little things I can’t decide?